Someone dropped a stitch

"...you knit me together in my mother's womb."

There are some scriptures that make us uncomfortable. Some may even make us stop and stare at the page, wondering if the writer is even talking about the same God we worship.

There's a passage that I wrestle with. Most people find comfort in it and it has likely pulled some depressed people out of a painful period in their lives. This passage has often brought me to unhappy tears.

Psalm 139:13-16
¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

I've reasoned that it was easy for David to look in the mirror and make these statements. He was athletic, a musical genius, amazing leader and good-looking on top of it all. 

You see, in 1991, someone dropped a stitch. While our son was being formed,  something in my body, maybe a glitch in his inherent makeup, dropped a stitch; but it wasn't God... or was it? I don't believe it was God. Feel free to chat with me about that sometime. At any rate, while Ryan was being formed, his brain took a turn that would flip his world upside down. I see a great-looking, funny, warmhearted young man with a winsome smile and manipulative brown eyes. Many people see drool, a trach tube, a feeding tube, a wheelchair, a speech device, AFOs, seizures and the list goes on. Yes, I see all that, too. It's as though someone not only knit together an awesome dude, but while they were at it, constructed a bulky, black curtain that shrouds the true nature of who he is. I was reminded of this again when I read Psalm 119:73 this morning; "Your hands have made and fashioned me."

I'm not going to step away from this little (and often neglected) journal of sorts with feel good quips or pat answers. I'll just say that I don't understand how these verses fit most of our lives. Some of you are, from outward appearances, pretty close to perfect. You, like David, are attractive, love the athletic arena, can wow people with your musical ability, your social skills are strong and sincere and you're comfortable taking on the leadership of almost anything. That's fantastic! I celebrate you. I also celebrate the Ryans of the world. While I might never understand this passage, I do know the following two verses are true for him. I've seen them at work over and over.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand --
    when I awake, I am still with you.

As I was writing this, I heard him stir in his sleep. He'll wake up today. He is still with God and God is with him. That's enough.