Letter to the bully's parents

Dear parents of the "bully",

I just want you to know that you're not alone. Many of us have raised or are raising bullies. I recognize that children often react to situations and the "oddballs" out of peer pressure and fear of rejection, not out of any sense of intolerance that you've taught them. I know that the chances are pretty good that your child has been bullied, and in those moments, felt helpless. Your child never wants to feel helpless again. I honestly do see all this, and recognize that he or she is struggling with a unique set of insecurities. Bullying gives your child a sense of empowerment. Let me say this, too; I do not default to saying that the parents are the ones who have bullied your child. False and presumptuous accusations only instill fear and make all of us reluctant to trust anyone.

I understand that your child sometimes walks away from the situation feeling downright horrible, determined never to act out again. If not, he or she did so at some point. Most of us don't want to be "the bad guy." We want to be loved. We want to be accepted. We want to be part of the "in" crowd. Adults aren't immune to this desire. Our bullying just takes another form. We gossip, backbite and cast disdainful glances that effectively erode our victim's confidence. Any of us can become a bully, and most of us have been one.

Please be assured, Mom, that God the Father sees you crying yourself to sleep at night, wondering if perhaps the accusations are true. Maybe you are a bad parent. Maybe your child is insecure because you just don't have your act together. Dad, God sees you staring at your workload and wondering how in the world you're going to get through it. The frustration of the school counselor's condemnation is like a weight around your ankles. You determine to get through your day, mentally setting aside some time in the evening to rehearse yet more parenting strategies to make your son or daughter the person you dreamed of when you first held that newborn in your arms. God is very aware of all of this and reminds you that He had Adam, Cain and Judas. He understands a wayward child. He also had Peter, and comes alongside you with the reassurance, "I worked in this guy's heart, and Peter turned out to author My inspired Word. I have your child in My care. Keep loving. Keep training. Keep right on seeing the amazing stuff in your kid. Your child was created in My image and it will develop as My peace comes to that battered young heart. Bullying is contagious, like a horrible virus. I'm the Great Healer. I've got this."

The image of God; I know you see it. You see it when your child hands you a Mother's Day card and love is scrawled all over it in her own unique way. You see it when he comes to you with that smile that fills you with warm fuzzies... again. You see it when she works with extra determination to improve herself, her grades and her habits. You see it in a million ways every day.

So does God. So do I. So do many, many people. Rest assured, the messages of love, character and strength are getting through. The chances are pretty good that your child will suddenly surprise the naysayers with all of those wonderful characteristics that you've seen all along. Yes, bullying is wrong and it needs to be dealt with. Kudos to you. You're dealing with it. You're also seeing that God has amazing plans for your kid. Parenting isn't for wimps, and you're becoming stronger as you walk with your child through some very dark days.You'll get there.

For the record, I love your kid!

Twyla Penner