"Thank you for sharing"

When I went to Bible school, I heard a phrase with which I was unfamiliar. Someone was miffed (it might have been me, I don't remember), vented her spleen and the instant response was, "Thank you for sharing."

"Huh??" Ok, I didn't actually say that, but I'm pretty sure my face showed it. The venting sounded like lame complaints, and the response was, "Thank you for sharing." How does that work? I eventually came to realize that it was that little subculture's way of saying, "Regardless of my internal response, I choose to thank you for trusting me with your feelings." That internal response might be irritation, feeling overwhelmed, pity, exhaustion or any number of responses, but it was a conscious effort to accept the other's feelings. In itself, that's a very noble response. I actually found myself saying it a few times by the end of my three and a half years at Bible college. There's something to be said for choosing to step back and accept another person's feelings.

I do wonder, though, if sometimes we carry that too far, especially as Christians.

"Sharing" our deep seated bitterness in a way that obligates the other person to side with us and join us in our sin - Yup, I said it. Sin. Please don't misunderstand me. Offenses hurt. We all know that from firsthand experience. Some of the offenses we face go far beyond normal relational glitches, crossing way over the line into the heinous. I'm pretty sure Jesus gets that one. Consider the cross. Even with all that we've done, He forgives us. He also calls us to forgive. (I wrote about that here.) Asking one close friend to prayerfully help us process heartache is one thing. Spreading reeking garbage all over the Body of Christ with anyone who will tolerate our tirade is uncalled for. The Bible has plenty to say about those who spread dissension. Even if we've been deeply offended, we need to "share" judiciously. Yeah, I think I need to work on that one.

"Sharing" unsolicited advice - We as Christians are so good at this! We have access to all the wisdom of the One True God. Because we have that access, we assume that anything that comes out of our mouths is, by default, from the Creator. If someone has an illness, we "share" with them the need to "just believe!!" (said with that much exuberance, because somehow God needs our hype). When we're down, a well-meaning sister will advise, "Well, Honey, just trust God." Yes, but it can sound agonizingly trite when your world is falling apart. If someone is having a bit of a snarly day, some of us are prompt to admonish the other person to smarten up and be good, even if it's a bit more gently than that. Never mind that the snarly person is grieving, in serious pain or scared witless (honest, it happens to the best Christians at times). We're to put on our happy face and spread our Pollyanna rainbows. Here's a kicker; we tell someone who's suffering that it's the result of his sin or the sin of someone else. So sensitive. So holy. Not!

(I know, I'm giving unsolicited advice. You're reading my blog. Feel free to shut down this browser at any point.)

"Sharing" prayer requests/answers to prayer - Oh, this is one of my favourites. Here's the scenario. Someone comes to me and honestly pours out her heart. She's hurting deeply. The very nature of her heartache implies that I need to keep my mouth shut. She really doesn't need to tell me to keep it to myself. I throw basic human decency and common sense out the window because I just have to share it with someone else… because that someone else needs to pray.

Ok, first of all, does that other person need to pray? Why? God can't figure out how to answer the first friend's and my prayers? He really needs someone else? How big is God, anyway?

Secondly, will that person pray? Can I guarantee it? If she does, will she pray with humility and grace toward the person with whom she likely has no contact?

Third, is the person who shared with me OK with me telling others? I'm not sure? Let's be honest. I likely know she wouldn't be good with that. She trusts me. If I tell others, it's breaking her confidence. If I really must share (am I sure?), I should give as few details as possible and never, ever, ever a name or identifying factor. Does God need my gossip in order to know how to answer the prayer? I'm kind of sure God has a good idea of how things are. Oh, right, it's because God won't answer unless we're very specific with our requests. Um, excuse me, but God's faithfulness is not dependent on our superior spirituality and ability to pray through every stinkin' detail of the situation. We need to trust Him. He's got this. That's what prayer is; trusting our almighty God to step in and intervene.

There are also times when sharing our "prayer request" runs the risk of putting the person in need at risk. Consider an abusive situation. Figure it out from there.

Finally on this point, what's the motivation? Is there even the slightest satisfaction in the shocked gasp we receive when we "share"? There is? Ok. Shut up.

I admit, this is kind of a negative post. I should mention that there are very appropriate times to share!

• When we need objectivity and a listening ear.
• When we're overwhelmed and need someone to share our burdens.
• When we need advice and the other person knows enough about the situation to be honest but objective enough to be clear-headed about it.
• When we need prayer and we can trust the other individual to keep a confidence.
• When we've seen an answer to prayer and, if confidential, the other person has been a part of the process, whether in action or prayer. 
• Insert your own biblical reasons here.

There are plenty of times when it is the best thing possible to share with someone. There are also times to just wait or even not share at all. We've all messed up in this area. We learn from it and move on.

What will we share today?